WARNING: What I am about to write has no relevance to anything in any way and gives no real “value” other than selfish self flagellation which is ultimately blogging masturbation. If you want to save yourself five minutes, don’t read my crap.
Sexuality is this kind of hard-to-reach thing. I don’t care how homophobic you might be, I still believe humans are in a sexual spectrum of gray areas. We put ourselves into boxes and labels and black and white because it’s convenient, but there are always varying degrees of bisexuality. Tell me that girl is a lesbian, and then watch her attraction to that effeminate dude in yoga class until they end up dating. Or that so-called “straight” girl who was in a serious monogamous relationship with a woman for five years. How about that guy who enjoyed anal with a ladyboy? Whatever.
The point is, sexuality isn’t always so black and white. And sometimes? It’s complicated. Humans have the ability to be attracted to other humans and NO, that doesn’t mean we’d be attracted to pigs and horses and get all bestiality up your ass, conservative pervert… I mean, *ahem* calm down.
The Grey Areas
As I was going home from work tonight waiting for the public transport, I noticed a girl with a nice ass, tightly situated in her black slacks. Her face hid underneath a blue polka dotted umbrella and when she emerged, I was smitten. I gave her a brief smile. That silent hi, and she smiled back.
When the transport came I got into the van–like an oversized taxi that seats many people–and she sat next to me. My legs were pointed towards her; knee touching thigh. When I realized my situation and how unnecessarily close we were, I straightened myself up in the seat. What was I thinking? Subconscious body language must have got the better of me. It’s not like I actually know what I’m doing, or how to really flirt.
I must have fallen asleep. I woke up and moaned. That “I’m cranky and tired and want to be in bed” kind of moan; a long sigh to the end of the day… NOT the “I’m a hot lezzie and want YOU in bed” moan, but soon, she was “accidentally” brushing her fingers on my thigh. It was subtle. But it happened again. And again. Four or five times! She looked at me, and I pretended to ignore her. I felt like she was silently telling me to follow her at her stop, and I impulsively felt like I should, but held it off.
I’m sick and germy, I’m taken, and I’m on my god damn period!!
Three strikes… and I’m out.
My heart was racing, my nerves were getting to me, and all I could think of was that I was on the rag. Great timing, mother nature. I mean, I don’t just write some list of things I want to “accomplish” like “have lesbian sex” for nothing. If I have a window and I miss it, it’s like I blew it. And I blew it, right?
I have an amazing boyfriend, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I find myself emotionally attracted to men and have never felt like wanting to be in a relationship with a woman. I find myself constantly grossed out, uncomfortable, or unsure about the thought of actually having lesbo sex because I’m picky when it comes to attraction. I guess the reality doesn’t come close to fantasy. Truth be told, I can’t even remember the chick’s face but I will never forget that ass…
Have you ever experienced a sexual grey area? How did you handle it?