I’m never great at big decisions. Least of all, not the kind that have to do with career.
I’ve given up my hustle for a full-time position.
There, I said it.
I need more time. In the constant flux of go, go, go, I’ve hesitated.
I don’t know where I’m going. I’m lost. And I’m damn tired of feeling like this “damsel in distress” because I know I’m better than that bullshit.
And so, It’s back to the drawing board for me.
When I don’t have enough money to scrounge for $50 rent, it’s time to try something else.
Looking back, I would have done this…smarter. But I’ve learned.
I’m down, but I’m not out for the count.
I’ll reevaluate my blog, my brand, and where the hell I’m going.
I just need more time.
And more breathing room that a constant paycheck will bring me again.
When I got this job, I cried. Going back to the office is like signing my life away. Not many jobs could convince me to go back, but here I am. Maybe, I’m desperate, but in all fairness, they seemed so too. The benefit was mutual. I was in the right place at the right time, without even my resume, and bam.
I thought I was meeting a client for another “project” and here I was with a full-time position on my lap, ready for my taking. I got a job offer before I even knew what was happening.
It all happened so fast…
I got lured in by the travel.
“You need us,” they said. “It’s almost like serendipity.”
In about two weeks I’ll be flying to the US for the first time in two years for a work assignment in Orlando, Florida. Not a bad perk, considering I’ve technically overstayed my visa because the Philippine government can’t get their shit together and grant me dual citizenship (I don’t really understand why I have to go through this canyousaybullshit process because I was born a Filipino in the Philippines and naturalized as a US Citizen because my American step-dad adopted me. I never took the US citizenship test or took some US oath or had to renounce anything. And it’s been over SIX MONTHS in a waiting list because I haven’t bribed anyone or know someone who could get me a pass. Bureaucrapcy I say. And if you know someone who knows someone then you should let me know because this is re.tard.ed.).
I’m still hungry though. I technically took a pay cut on what I would normally make on a good month, but inconsistency is a bitch, and I haven’t made my “average” in… awhile. I start at the bottom and have to work my way to the top. And here I was dreaming about my rockstar expat income that hasn’t happened yet. The hunger and drive is still there.
I wanted this, in a way. I’ve been jealous of all those “escape the 9 to 5ers” that actually had a lucrative career in corporate. I wish I had the chance to “climb up the ladder” before I decided to reject everything but I didn’t have the luxury. A lay off with my first job and a dead-end office job just never cut it.
And so, NOW is my chance to climb.
Nows my chance to take my entrepreneurial mindset and hopefully transfer it into the company; an exciting start-up in the photography industry. This is real-world training. Exactly the kind of training I wanted. And instead of having to pay another shit ton of student loans, which, by the way, is not worth it, they pay me to learn.
Sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision. Is this a step backwards? Could I have continued my momentum if I had just stuck on a little longer? After all, I had to turn down several great projects…
But I made the right decision at the time. And now, there’s no turning back.
Full speed ahead.