2013 was a good year for me. A preparatory year. I hired a sexual liberation coach and it changed my life. I unconferenced World Domination Summit, crashing more than 10 unofficial meet-ups and felt I had finally met my tribe. I released old loves to make room for the start of a new one.
My time in the Manila slums wasn’t exactly a misstep. It was a step I had to take to go battle my dragons, but I knew that Manila wasn’t where I wanted to be in the long run. Truthfully, I haven’t found that place I want to be in the long run. Not yet, anyway.
I finally feel like I’m living my future now. My compass is set to the vision that I want to create. I’ve aligned myself to where I want to be. Everything opened up when I realized I didn’t want to live in Manila because Manila wasn’t my future. For as much as I love my motherland, and the natural beauty that the Philippines has to offer, it’s not where I want to live. The Philippines always felt like the place I wanted to go to die. By that, I mean to “retire”. I don’t want to die yet and there’s so much more to live.
Turning 30 really gave me a wake-up call. All of a sudden, I was no longer willing to tolerate the bullshit of my 20s. If it’s not what I desire, why keep doing it? You can always change things. Pivot. Go a new direction. Go towards your desires.
When I first contacted my sexual liberation coach last summer I was ashamed and embarrassed. Why was I seeking help, exactly? I was happy, so why was I so unsatisfied?
I had been getting urges to try new things. Things I couldn’t, in the capacity of a monogamous relationship, explore. I also wanted to start writing a sex blog. One that was spiritual and sensual by nature, but also just talked a lot of erotica and softcore smut.
This sexual liberation lead me into a journey of creating my “New Story” as I began to explore my openness towards polyamorous philosophy. I wanted to explore that philosophy, and then I wanted to experience it.
Letting go of monogamous relationships that didn’t serve me was the first step.
But this isn’t a blog about sex and polyamory. That comes later.
Mainly, I wanted to acknowledge how 2013 was a year of growth and transformation. Things shifted. I finally feel like I’m on the right path. “Sometimes when things fall apart they may actually be falling into place.” That’s the beauty of life. The destruction/creation cycle. The Kali dance. The creative process.
I’m happy to be in my “falling into place” part of the process.
2014: I’m Ready
2014 is the year of prosperity. It is the year my business will flourish. It is the year that I not only commit to myself, but explore what it means to be “free”. Starting in Thailand.
I’m a commitmentphobe, or at least I have been for the last few years. This shows up in the way that I’m afraid to commit to my own business. Or in the idea of a serious relationship (I haven’t had one in over five years) and marriage, which still feels like a noose around my neck. For some reason, I have equated commitment for lack of freedom and this has been detrimental for growth. Not only in lack of freedom within intimate relationships, but lack of freedom from living the life I want. Committing to my business means redefining how I look at freedom and pushing through my own barriers, creating better systems, and staying consistent and productive.
It has been awhile since I “shook things up” in my life and experienced a good dose of the uncomfortable. It’s scary, nervewracking but also extremely exciting and what I live for.
I’m on my own, for the first time. While I can’t say I’ve lived alone in all my 30 years of existence (I’ve always cohabited with partners or lived with roommates or parents), I’ll finally be experiencing a taste of it in Chiang Mai. For at least a month, I’ve reserved a place to stay, and I may extend for longer.
“Freedom” is a buzzword in the location independent, digital nomad circle, but what does it really mean? The freedom to choose how to spend your time and where to work is a big draw. For an introvert like me, working from home or in a cafe is perfect. The freedom to create the life you want. It’s all about living intentionally. Conscious living. Mindfulness.
Planning and goal setting at the start of the year has always been one of my weak points, but this year, I’d like to launch at least two product offerings. I hate to “plan out loud” on my blog for fear that I won’t accomplish it, and I still have to think more about how I’m planning my year. I’ve got a few ideas kicking around my noggin for things to do. I just need to take consistent action. I just need to commit.
Commit to being committed is a focal point. It’s the underlying theme behind prosperity that my 2014 theme could well also be commitment.
Business is my Boyfriend
Something synchronous happened recently that I consider to be a sign. I swear Universe/Source talks to me through social media/tech because I’m always online. I had pinned “Money: A Love Story” by Kate Northrup on Pinterest and because Facebook picks up my Pinterest activity, one of my friend’s commented on how it’s a great book. While I was typing a reply, my Macbook somehow spazzed out when I was clicking around and suddenly, a PDF popped up called “Date Your Dollars: Money Makeover”. It was a PDF from a financial coaching session I had done over a year ago with Karie Hill. I still have no clue how it opened up as a preview and it would not X out of my screen! I had to restart my computer to get rid of it.
The synchronicity was too uncanny to be a coincidence. Since “Money: A Love Story” and “Date Your Dollars” both have an underlying theme of relationships, I got the message loud and clear.
Ok, Universe, I’m supposed to work on my relationship with money. Business is my boyfriend. And dating my dollars is a form of self-love and self-care. I take care of myself by taking care of how I make money, and transforming my relationship with money. Committing, once again, so that I can experience prosperity. The vision of being a bread winner is completely empowering to me.
Beyond that, I saw it as a positive sign that this meant money WILL transform this year and prosperity WILL come. It was a sign that I’m on the right track and that I will manifest the money, my target goals, by the end of the year. It may sound crazy, but it’s not impossible.
In the next few weeks I’ll be further outlining how I plan to date my dollars and create a plan for prosperity. I hope you’ll stick around to read what’s in store.